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August 27th, 2013

Dear Jesus

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me
Dear Jesus,

Thank you for this moment. Thank you for all my brothers and sisters.....virtual, tangible or hopeful.

August 1st, 2011

GOD LIVES

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 I saw GOD yesterday!

 

Here proof:

April 19th, 2011

(no subject)

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Mana-sama
Dear god.  I want to be sinful. But why? Please, show me the way!

January 11th, 2010

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streetlights
 Dear God:

This is one of those times that I need to pray with words, I think- there are too many emotions in my head for me to make sense of without putting them down on paper. It breaks my heart that, during the first period of my time on earth that I am really at peace with my faith and my humanity, the first time that I can say I'd prefer to exist on this earth than not to, that everybody else suddenly starts disagreeing with me. I'm tired of people dying, God. Three acquaintances and one friend have died since the beginning of the school year, another good friend tried to kill himself, and now my sister- my beautiful little sister... now I can only see her one hour every few days too. 

And the worst thing is, that I cannot help her at all. Despite having gone through the same thing myself, I cannot give her a single shred of practical advice. I don't think suicide is anything that somebody else, some self-righteous psychologist asshole or whoever, can reason out of you- it has to be some kind of deeply personal internal event. However, you're the only one I can think of who can engineer something like that... so... how about it? Appear to my sister in a burning bush or something? Some little miracle? Jk, I know that's really unreasonable. Sorry.

I suppose there's nothing like helplessness to remind us just how entirely we are in your hands. And there's nothing like watching someone you love try to die to remind us just where all life comes from. Please take care of her, God. 

January 6th, 2010

thanks

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 Dear God,
Thank you for life.  For the breath I breath. For my lungs that keep filling.
Thank you for love.  For the love you have modeled so wonderfully.  For the joy you give me in your love for me.
Thank you for making me a women.  For the image of your beauty that you have given me.
Thank you for food.  For the abundance of food that others need but I have.
Thank you for grace.  For the thing that I would surely be dead without.
Thank you for justice.  For being able to know that I don't have to fight all my battles.
Thank you for your plan.  For a future that is perfectly how you want it so I don't need to worry.
Thank you for my future husband.  For picking him for me and keeping him safe.
Thank you for friends.  For constant support that I can hear and feel and see here on earth.
Thank you for joy.  For the happiness and satisfaction I find nowhere but you.
Thank you for life.  For giving it to me in the fullest.

I love you,
jmb

November 11th, 2009

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Made by bella_sol
 Dear God, please make her die. 
I wish my mom would die. She is abusing me. Harassing me. I hate her. She is the one who made me overdose when I was 15. She is the one who caused the 100+ scars on my arms. She is harassing me and I just want to die. I am seriously considering suicide and I am relapsing. My depression is getting worse and my Eating Disorder is getting worse. I want to curl up in a corner and slice my wrists and cry. She has been yelling at me for the past 50 minutes. I sat on the bed, stabbing my head with a marker and tearing my hair out. 
I wish she would die. 
She is threatening to send me back to my home country and she is threatening to beat me up. I can't live like this anymore. SHE NEEDS TO DIE. When the clock turns 11:11, I will wish for her to die. 

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Made by bella_sol
 Dear God please help me. Please help me. I can't stand my mom's abuse. I tore a bunch of my hair out as she was yelling at me on the phone. GOD PLEASE I CANT STAND HER ABUSE ANYMORE. I AM HURTING. SO BAD. I AM CRYING. I want to die. I WANT TO DIE GOD. PLEASE HLEP ME. 

November 8th, 2009

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Core 4

"My hiding place, my safe refuge, my treasure Lord you are, my friend and King, anointed one, most Holy"

Dear God,

You are so beautiful, there aren't enough words to describe how amazing you are. Forgive me for listening to my flesh last night, I should have stayed home with you instead, instead of going out of my way to sin. Help me Lord, I've been out of control and you're the only one that can help me, Lord I know through your grace and love you forgive me but sometimes I wish sin didn't exist. At least one day we'll be together face to face, with no more sin to separate us. I'm sorry I've disrespected you with my flesh, you deserve only the best. Thank you for this day, thank you for all that you are.

September 7th, 2009

god please,
i am begging you.
i've been begging you.
i can't be sick anymore. i can't do it. don't you see it's breaking me?
please. please.
please, god, please please please please please.
we've food&i cannot eat it. we've water&i can barely drink it.
please, god, please. i cannot sustain myself without your help, please.

April 1st, 2009

Thankyou

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Dear God,

Thankyou for giving me my creativity back.  It's been so long since I have written anything musical or come up with any lyrics, but now it has come back to me and I have you to thank for that.  I know that it was a while back that I prayed for it and I sort of forgot about it with the hassle of everything else that has been going on but really, Thankyou for giving it back to me.  I appreciate it and I suddenly now realise just how much I missed it when it was gone. 

Much Love

-J-



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