This is one of those times that I need to pray with words, I think- there are too many emotions in my head for me to make sense of without putting them down on paper. It breaks my heart that, during the first period of my time on earth that I am really at peace with my faith and my humanity, the first time that I can say I'd prefer to exist on this earth than not to, that everybody else suddenly starts disagreeing with me. I'm tired of people dying, God. Three acquaintances and one friend have died since the beginning of the school year, another good friend tried to kill himself, and now my sister- my beautiful little sister... now I can only see her one hour every few days too.
And the worst thing is, that I cannot help her at all. Despite having gone through the same thing myself, I cannot give her a single shred of practical advice. I don't think suicide is anything that somebody else, some self-righteous psychologist asshole or whoever, can reason out of you- it has to be some kind of deeply personal internal event. However, you're the only one I can think of who can engineer something like that... so... how about it? Appear to my sister in a burning bush or something? Some little miracle? Jk, I know that's really unreasonable. Sorry.
I suppose there's nothing like helplessness to remind us just how entirely we are in your hands. And there's nothing like watching someone you love try to die to remind us just where all life comes from. Please take care of her, God.